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  Department of The Sexes

The Department of The Sexes is the department of BlackState that features news and interest stories relating to love and relationships in the black world.

Recent Features:

Interracial Dating Male Female Interracial Dating Trends by Matt Dating

Common hurdles faced by interracial couples and how to beat the traditionalists.

It is important to point out that gender is one of the determining factors of interracial dating trends. Caucasian females are least likely to date Asian men, whilst white males in the U.S tend to be least attracted to female African American's. With all the choice and online dating niches available for today's singles , cross cultural online dating is one niche that remains untapped and according to statisticians will remain that way due to a lack of potential demand. Trends in the online dating scene strongly indicate that singles prefer to pursue romance within their own domain.

Whist these trends are a generalization, it is not uncommon to see happy interracial couples who have blended their traditions, CONTINUE

Men and Women Top Ten Reasons Why It's Hard to Date a Black Woman by Matthew Lynch

Unlike black women who struggle against the current of the apparent man shortage, searching for eligible candidates is not an arduous task for black men, and never has been. Studies show that for every available man, there are at least seven single, willing and able Black women who are ready to be signed, sealed and delivered to the first derivable and desirable bachelor who crosses their path. Black men can just about have their pick when it comes to choices in the dating arena. Not to mention, online dating in the last 5 years has even widened their circle of choices to national and international possibilities. Still, fewer and fewer are choosing to date black women.

When observing the condition of our intimate interaction, African Americans are no longer interested in courting, dating or harvesting the patience essential in the process of selecting the appropriate partner for our lives. To piggy back off of that point, many of us – men especially - in the African American community are slowly becoming more and more apathetic to concepts of relationships and marriage, let alone entertaining courtships with someone with the same color skin. Percentages of Black men and women dating outside their races have increased significantly over the last decade. More so now than ever, it has become more common to see a Black man with a white woman (or non-African American) on his arm. Though black women are no longer sitting around waiting on her black savior to come to his senses, as they have also begun testing the waters of alternative nationalities, the reasons as to why successful black men are not choosing black women once they reached the top remains a mystery. What is it about black women that compel black men to choose differently when it comes to dating? CONTINUE

bed What Do Women Want in the Bedroom? by Ethel Florence

Women are complicated creatures. Often they say one thing and mean another thing altogether. Even in the longest running and happiest relationships there can be breakdowns in communication and this can certainly be true in the bedroom... If you are a new couple there will definitely be things she will want you to do, but she won't dare ask... Even if you have been with your woman for years there will still be things that she wants you to try or do differently. Unless you want to look like you don't know what you're doing, you don't want to ask her. So how are you going to find out what women want?

As I'm sure you worked out the simple answer is 'Get someone else to ask for you'. But who can you get to ask women on your behalf? You don't want your buddies to find out that you want help in the bedroom... I'm sure you'd be too old or embarrassed to be asking the parents... Who does that leave? CONTINUE

halle bob Black Women Who Like a Little Cream in Their Coffee by Matthew Lynch

It is not secret that Black women feel that there is a shortage of Black Men. Many of these women are begin to alleviate their frustrations by dating White men. They are throwing caution to the wind and reprogramming their cultural conditioning by abandoning their inhibitions towards mixed-relationships. Even Hollywood is capitalizing on this growing trend by creating films that depict authentic interracial relationships.

On the silver screen, relationships between White men and Black women usually come in two types, equal and unequal. An example of an equal relationship would be the movie “Something New,” starring Sanaa Lathan and Heath Ledger. Sanaa Lathan’s character, Kenya McQueen is a prominent African-American CPA, who is having a hard time finding a African American man. A friend sets her up on a blind date with an architectural landscaper named Brian, but when she truncates the date when finds out that he is white. While attending a upscale party a few days later, and she ends up hiring him to landscape her new home, and they end up falling in love. Kenya and Brian’s relationship was equal because they both were successful in their perspective fields and they loved each other unconditionally.

Halle Berry and Billy Bob’s relationship in the movie “Monsters Ball” was unequal because Billy Bob Thornton’s character preyed upon her socio-economic status and the recent loss of her child during their courtship. He ultimately is seen as her savior and she ends up sacrificing her pride and dignity. Even though she finds out that he was one of the jailers who participated in the execution of her child’s father, she stays with him anyway. And let’s make no mistake, Billy Bob’s character was incorrigibly racist and his apparent change of heart was superficial at best... CONTINUE

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Black Women & Rape: Myth vs. Reality by Peggy Butler

In lieu of the controversy surrounding a Black stripper, who was allegedly raped by three members of the Duke University lacrosse team, we once again find ourselves debating the myth of the Black woman's sexuality. And what exactly are those myths? They are 1) African-American women are sensual creatures eager to pounce on a penis at the drop of a hat; 2) They are the aggressors when it comes to love making; 3) They experience sex at an earlier age than women of other races; 4) T know how to please a man and can move their bodies unlike any other. Now that you've read the myths, let's explore the actualities and see how they stack up.

Reality: Contrary to how Black women have been portrayed in books and films, they are no more erotic than other females, nor do they enjoy sexmore or less. Nor do they have a monopoly on pleasing men. As for experiencing sex at an early age, there is some authenticity in that, but not what you think. In slavery, girls as young as 11 were raped by the master or used for breeding purposes as soon as they reached sexual maturity CONTINUE

Homosexuality in Jamaica: The Views, The Harsh Realities by Desriann Champagnie

Homosexuality is defined as sexual orientation characterized by sexual desire or romantic feelings exclusively for persons of the same sex. Homophobia is defined as a fear of gay men or gay lifestyle and culture, but are Jamaicans afraid of gay men? Statistics prove that we are not. Jamaicans view homosexuality from many perspectives, some of which I will highlight.

Biased: In Jamaica the term homosexual is used to describe only men who have sex with men, lesbians are excluded; it would seem as if lesbians aren't homosexual. Just the same violence against homosexual are mainly geared towards MSM. The buggery and gross indecency laws basically sanction discrimination against gay men. Lesbians may be discriminated against in the wider world however no laws target lesbians or lesbian conduct. Society on a whole is more tolerant of lesbians than gay men, lesbians acquire jobs, housing and general acceptance easier than gay men and they are less likely to face physical violence. We grew in a society that was always intolerant of boys being too close to each other yet it was ok for girls to be close, such traits remain in our society, it is like the norm. Damani's comment............ A gay reporter was in a bar in Montego Bay where he ask the bar maid what if her son turned out to be gay she said she would cut his throat. That's how deep the level of intolerance of homosexuals goes. CONTINUE

How Do You Know If You're Addicted To Porn by Tess Marshall

How do you know if you're addicted to porn? Answer the question, Can you take it or leave it? If the answer is no, if porn has become a regular part of your life and if you plan your day around it you have a problem!

A porn addict may tell himself, Every man is into porn. That's not true, every man is not. The porn addiction will affect every area of the porn addicts life but the most devastation is in his relationship with himself and his relationship with others. Continue

Intelligent, Successful Black Woman Dating Men That Run All Over Them

By: Askme

"Smart Dummies" is the new label given to women that allow men to run all over them. When a woman feels that a man is running all over her and decides to stay in the relationship, there is something going on within her that might just boil down to a fear of the consequences of change. She recognizes that change could culminate in loneliness. She might fear that she will only end up in the same situation all over again with someone else and is just plain sick of dating. It could just be that she is uncertain as to whether the next man is going to be able to make love to her the way the current one does.

I think there are plenty of women that allow men to run all over them because they have become depressed -- pressed for affection, romance, someone that cares for her, someone to share herself with without any worries that she is being used as some man's play thing. It is only human to want this for herself. Continue

The DL Down Low and Debatable
by Peggy Butler
*Black women talk candidly about men on the down-low. Warning: If you freak out at the mention of the word sex, reading this article could tarnish your moral values.

On a blustery winter morning in December of 1999, Essex Garvey, a stay-at-home mom of four, was sorting laundry, when a glaring exhibition caught her eye. On the TV was a woman recently diagnosed with HIV. Noting the pained look on the woman's face, Garvey discovered that the culprit was the woman's boyfriend, an admitted bisexual. Pointing wildly at the TV she sighed: "Damn, that woman should have known her man was poking the log at both ends of the totem pole. Now, that would never happen to me."

Three years later Garvey faced a growing problem among African-American women. She discovered that her husband was embroiled in a steamy down-low affair. For those unfamiliar with the phrase, "down- low" refers to men who are married or have girlfriends but secretly sleep with men.

Garvey who divorced her husband in 2003, said the real tragedy of this epidemic is the refusal of many women to question their partner's sexual history. As women it is our responsibility to learn as much as we can about the men we sleep with, she said stoically... Continue

Humor: The Secrets of Women's Language

Keywords and their meanings:

"Fine": This is the word a woman uses at the end of any argument that she feels she is right about but needs to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

"Five minutes": This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

"Nothing": This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

"Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine". "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing". Soft Sigh: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

"Oh": This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit.

She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that we can't bring ourselves to write about them.

"That's Okay": This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done.

"That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

"Please Do": This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

"Thanks": A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you're welcome. "Thanks a lot": This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks a lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".

I hope this clears up any misunderstandings...especially for the men.

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