Ten Reasons Why Conservatives Love George W. Bush:
A satirical and humorous look at the man conservatives dub
one of the greatest chief executives to occupy the White House.
by Peggy Butler
10. Great Articulation. During his press conferences Iíve yet to
hear the president mispronounce a word or desecrate the English
language. Moreover, Iíve never heard him utter anything of a moronic nature.
Well, except for the time when he said "I know how hard it is for you
to put food on your family.Ē And lets not forget he also stated, ďI am
honored to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand
cut off by Saddam Hussein.Ē On second thought, itís clear that we have
to deviate from the articulate angle. What a pity!
9. He is so charismatic. Whenever I see the president visions of
Howdy Doody spring to mind. For those 30 and under, Howdy Doody is the
puppet from 1950s childrenís TV show. And just like Howdy, Bush
too has an exaggerated smile. Another similarity the two share is that
theyíre both stiff as a board. Which explains why the presidentís
decision to invade Iraq was equivalent to that of a puppet on a
8. His patriotism. Unlike many young men who opted not to go to
Vietnam, Bush served his country by enrolling in the National Guard. And as
soon as those military records are found, just like the weapons of
mass destruction he adamantly refers to, everyone will appreciate this
manís love for his country. What a man, What a man!
7. He always tells the truth. Thatís right, our president is so honest
you can believe everything he says and then some. And for anyone who
disagrees with him, theyíre depicted as "lip scrunching, jaw-jerking,
anti-patriotic liberals.Ē Case in point: If Bush says John Kerry is
too progressive to be elected president, itís probably true. After
all, this is the man who told us umpteenth times that Saddam Hussein has
ties to Al-Qaeda. And on that note I can honestly say, the president
gives new meaning to the phrase TALKING LOUD AND SAYING ABSOLUTELY
6. His sense of humor. For instance, whenever the president comes on
my TV screen I automatically burst into laughter. Yeah, that silly
grin and lumbering walk gets me every time. Perhaps if he stopped
flashing that bogus smile the laughter would stop. Or perhaps not.
5. His Moral Fiber. Oh man what a saint. Besides doing a ďlittle
drinkingĒ in his youth, this guy is so morally pure I want to tell the
whole world. I bet you wonít catch an intern kissing this president.
The question is, why would they want to? Besides heís too busy extolling
his role as the ďwar president.Ē Ah, why canít we all be this
4. His intelligence. Honestly, have we ever had a commander-in-chief
who was so smart? Hey, can you spell dummylicious? pronounced
dum-e-lish-ous. Donít worry, President Bush probably canít either.
3. Compassion. He has it in droves, especially when targeting special
interest groups and organizations. For example, lauding the immorality
of same sex marriage to secure his conservative voter base. Thatís
right George, when your administration fails to scare everyone with
its vague terrorist threat alerts, the next step is to play the
family values card. The president is probably thinking, if I canít scare
the American people into re-electing me by raising the terrorist alert
when it suits me, I will remind them about those men and women who get
a thrill out of drilling each other instead of the opposite sex. We
humorists call such behavior, trippin Big Georgie Style.
2. Honesty: Oh how can I say it? Let me count the ways. I would love
to but time doesnít permit me to engage in such fantasies.
1. Major Insomnia Reliever: Within seconds after seeing or hearing
the president, I quickly fall asleep. So who needs over the counter
sleep aids when George W. Bush is available? According to sources who
requested anonymity, the president is so boring, he would make a dead
man rise from his grave. ZZZZZZZZZZZZ! And there you have it, 10
reasons why conservatives love George W. Bush. And if you canít figure out
the logic behind this commentary you are truly an admirer. So, what
does that say about you?
advertisement: Click to Support Sponsors of BlackState.com, Thank you.